Harry Potter and Sports

So apparently there's some sort of new "Harry Potter" book coming out soon, or something.

Because everyone else in the media is talking about it (even Romenesko!), I figure I should, too - in some sort of fluffy way.

So I thought I'd cast each HP character as a sports figure. Think of it as a Xanga quiz meshed with ESPN. Feel free to add your own or belittle my opinions.

Harry Potter: Sports are filled with stories of the boy (or girl) nobody wanted, but became superstars. To me, Joe Montana is the greatest. He was too small to be a QB in high school, but his aerial wizardry eventually made him a Notre Dame recruit - where he sat on the bench for years. Even his incredible comeback against Texas in the 1979 Cotton Bowl (the famous chicken soup game) couldn't land him in the first round of the NFL Draft. When the 49ers stole him in the third round, he fulfilled his prophecy and gave them four Super Bowl titles. We'll see if Harry does the same for the wizarding world.

Ron Weasley: A second-fiddle who can never live up to his family's expectations or his older brother's legacy? Gotta be Eli Manning. Peyton's little bro may be more handsome than the red-headed Ron, but he's just as doomed to wallow in a superstar's shadow.

Hermoine Granger: A child prodigy wise beyond her years, Morgan Pressel hates failure as much as Hermoine does. Good thing neither rarely experiences it. Hermoine has impressed everyone along her way, just as the 19-year-old golfer has after winning the 2007 Kraft Nabisco Championship, becoming the youngest LPGA player to do so.

Albus Dumbledore: Like the Hogwarts head master, Celtics legend Bill Russell was a well-respected legend in his own day, but his status has grown incredibly since his retirement. And just as Dumbledore has largely given up his own wizarding for education, Russell has tutored many NBA big men, including Pacers scapegoat Jermaine O'Neal.

Snape: Is he good? Is he evil? Is he lying? Is he honest? No one knows for sure, but everyone seems to think he's a lying douchebag. Sounds like Barry Bonds to me. Even if he is innocent of steroids allegations, he's still guilty of being a jerk to everyone - just like Snape.

Voldemort: A heartless creature who inspires fear in everyone? Gotta be George Steinbrenner. The Yankees owner steals talent from small teams, overpays them and then runs them out when their production starts to slip. Even manager Joe Torre isn't safe from The Boss' wrath, despite bringing him three World Series titles.

Draco Malfoy: Draco's a cocky jerk who's got some game of his own but is mostly jealous of Harry's awesomeness. Tom Brady's a cocky jerk with some game of his own but is mostly jealous of Peyton Manning's awesomeness. Makes perfect sense to me. On a related note, my prediction for the last book: Draco impregnates Hermoine and Cho Chang out of wedlock as Harry works on his Quidditch skills, allowing him to kick Malfoy's tail in the Quidditch Cup Finals.