Who's No. 1?

This stretch of summer is more boring than a lecture by Grandpa Simpson. You've got baseball for a little but until the All-Star break. Basketball free agency is (officially) a week away. Football training camps are a month away. Even Wimbledon is struggling to stay relevant as it battles the rain.

Which leaves us with...arena football. No wonder we're spending so much time talking about Kobayashi and A-Rod's wife's tanktop.

Thankfully, we have the sports media to keep us entertained with crap like ESPN's "Who's Now" and, more recently, Sports Illustrated's list of the best players ever to wear each jersey number. Riveting. Too bad SI's own Rick Reilly did it a decade ago.

But, alas, I have nothing else to blog about, either, so here goes...

00 - Robert "The Chief" Parish. Celtics great got his nickname because he was quiet and big like the chief from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

0 - Gilbert Arenas. Agent Zero is one of the best second-round picks ever and had my vote for NBA MVP last year.

1 - Oscar Robertson. Aside from having a comically inappropriate nickname (if you're as immature as I), "The Big O" averaged a triple-double in the 1961-1962 season. Plus he's an Indiana boy and therefore awesome.

2 - Moses Malone. Sixers star went pro out of high school before going pro out of high school was cool. One of the NBA's 50 Greatest. Please note that SI put Secretariat here. Sorry, but I refuse to put a pony before a person - even if that pony was a really fast pony who ran faster than a bunch of other ponies three times.

3 - Babe Ruth. With all apologies to Dwyane Wade.

4 - Lou Gherig. If you haven't read "The Luckiest Man," you should. Gherig played the game the right way.

5 - Joe Dimaggio. And not just because he knocked boots with Marilyn Monroe. In an age where baseball records are sinking faster than Kevin Nealon's career, his 56-game hitting streak still seems untouchable.

6 - Bill Russell. Best NBA bigman ever. You can't knock his 11 titles in 13 years.

7 - Mickey Mantle. The last Yankee to make the list, he's a personal hero of mine for reasons I couldn't tell you. Though a shout-out to John Elway here, too.

8 - Troy Aikman. Close call between Aikman, Steve Young and Cal Ripken, Jr., but it' simple math: 3 (Aikman's rings) > 2 (Young's rings) > 1 (Ripken's ring).

9 - Ted Williams. Like Dimaggio's streak, Williams' .406 still looks untouchable.

10 - Pele. Best. Soccer. Player. Ever.

11 - Mark Messier. Second on the all-time regular season scoring list and captained two teams to the Stanley Cup. I would have considered Isiah Thomas here, but he ruined my Pacers as head coach. Jerk.

12 - John Stockton. Close call over Terry Bradshaw, Joe Namath, Roger Staubach and Ken Stabler, but the No. 1 assist leader gets my vote.

13 - Dan Marino. Wilt Chamberlain can have his 10,000 women. I'll take Marino's 61,131 passing yards.

14 - Pete Rose. You can bet on me picking Charlie Hustle over A.J. Foyt every time.

15 - Bart Starr. MVP of the first two Super Bowls and still a Green Bay legend.

16 - Joe Montana. Best quarterback ever...for now.

17 - John Havlicek. Great sixth man on some of the greatest teams of all-time. That and he really doesn't have much competition.

18 - Peyton Manning. Did ya need to ask?

19 - Johnny Unitas. He was Peyton before Peyton was born. Except with a crew-cut.

20 - Barry Sanders. Ran like a pissed-off gazelle and made cutbacks that looked like ballet moves. Gorgeous.

21 - Tim Duncan. Over a pair of baseballers, Clemente and Clemens. But the best power forward ever is the best No. 21 ever.

22 - Emmitt Smith. All-time leading rusher and all-around nice guy, despite being undersized and underappreciated.

23 - Michael Jordan. Even if he is a jerk.

24 - Willie Mays. Even if his godson (Barry Bonds) is a jerk.

25 - * (Note: I refuse to designate this number, seeing as the accomplishments of the top two choices, Bonds and Mark McGwire, are tainted by steroid allegations)

26 - Rod Woodson. One of the best CBs ever - and a Purdue grad.

27 - Carlton Fisk. Baller catcher with one of the biggest moments in baseball history (waving his homerun ball fair).

28 - Marshall Faulk. Like Emmitt, an all-around nice guy and incredible running back who could do it all. Glad he won a ring with the Rams. He deserved it.

29 - Eric Dickerson. Is my Indiana bias showing yet?

30 - Nolan Ryan. Best pitcher ever.

31 - Reggie Miller. NOW is my Indiana bias showing?

32 - Jim Brown. Best football player ever? With a shout-out to Magic Johnson, Shaq, Karl Malone and Sandy Koufax.

33 - Larry Bird. Even if he is doing a pretty poor job running the Pacers, he's still Bird, an Indiana legend who took little ol' Indiana State to the Final Four.

34 - Walter Payton. Sweetness was, well, sweet. I wish I could have seen him play. Sorry, again, Shaq.

35 - Phil Niekro. Not many other good ones.

36 - Jerome Bettis. The Bus was underrated as an RB, and it was great that the Notre Dame grad finally got his ring...even if it was with the dreaded Steelers.

37 - Doak Walker. You know, the guy you've never heard of who has an award named for him dedicated to the best RB in college football.

38 - Curt Schilling. And his bloody sock.

39 - Larry Csonka. Dolphins great who did everything.

40 - Gale Sayers. The other legendary Bears RB who had a career that was far too short.

41 - Tom Seaver. Sorry, Dirk, but the three-time Cy Young winner is more Dirkalicious.

42 - Jackie Robinson. One of the five most influential athletes ever, there's a reason the entire MLB retired his number.

43 - Richard Petty. The King deserves this crown.

44 - Hank Aaron. Greatest home run hitter ever whose head DIDN'T grow 1/8 of an inch in the pros.

45 - Pedro Martinez. Sorry, Rik Smits, but Pedro in his prime was a thing of beauty to watch...not that your jump hook wasn't...

46 - Andy Pettitte. No one good here. We're all losers at No. 46.

47 - Mel Blount. Four-time Super Bowl winner with the Steelers, and a solid cornerback, too.

48 - Darryl "Moose" Johnston. One of the best fullbacks ever. Remember: they're not saying "Boo," they're saying "Mooooooooooooooooooose!"

49 - Ron Guidry. I agree. Who?!

50 - David Robinson. The Admiral was a class-act guy on a class-act team.

That's all for now. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting (?) conclusion!!!! You'll never guess who No. 99 is...